The Good, the Bad, and the Karens
- Colusa County Recovery
- 2 days ago
- 2 min read
Updated: 23 hours ago
A Wild West Guide to Overcoming Sobriety’s Most Dangerous Species
Welcome, pardner, to the wild, lawless frontier of sobriety. The coffee is weak, the chairs are hard, and somewhere between the third-step sharing and the snack table lurks… Karen.
Yes, Karens: the self-appointed boss of recovery meetings. They weren’t in the pamphlet, they weren’t mentioned in detox orientation, and yet here they are — clipboards in hand, ready to lecture, police, and “help” you while holding a plate stacked higher than your self-esteem used to be when you were drinking.
Let’s break down the species you’re likely to encounter:
1. Mel Robbins Karen
Fresh out of Step 1, armed with Step 2 energy, and absolutely convinced she’s the next motivational Mel Robbins incarnate.
She will tell you your feelings are mismanaged, your breathing is wrong, your aura is filing a formal complaint, and your life is one bad energy day away from disaster — but don’t worry, she can fix it, for a small emotional consulting fee.
2. Snack Table Karen
This one’s a paradox: she fat-shames your third cookie while hoarding four herself like a squirrel preparing for Armageddon.
“Are you really going to have that brownie?”
Karen, I used to drink vodka from a shampoo bottle. Sit your ass down!
3. Sponsorship Karen
She’s not your sponsor, but she has very strong opinions about your choices.
“Have you tried journaling?”
“Have you prayed about it?”
“Have you considered NOT having feelings?”
Yes, Karen. I’ve considered all of it — and now I’m considering moving to a country where you don’t exist.
4. Meeting Police Karen
Lives for rules, structure, and shushing people mid-breath. She’s the human embodiment of a “Quiet in the Library” sign, lurking like a ghost in the chairs.
5. The “I Don’t Judge BUT…” Karen
Ah yes, the passive-aggressive predator of recovery. She judges, critiques, and sneaks little “advice bombs” between sentences:
“Not to judge, but maybe you shouldn’t have shared on that topic today.”
Holy cow, Karen… I’m sharing, not auditioning for Dr. Phil.
Why Karens Keep Showing Up
You might wonder why, despite their chaos, Karens are allowed to roam freely in meetings. The answer: 12-step wisdom. Old-timers shrug and say:
“Some are sicker than others. Keep coming back.”
Yes. Some are genuinely struggling. Some are just insufferable. Either way, they keep showing up, sipping their herbal tea and handing out unsolicited advice like it’s spiritual currency.
How to Overcome a Karen in the Wild
Breathe. You overcame addiction — you can overcome this.
Smile. Pretend to listen but dont blink. That will freak her out.
Stockpile Snacks. It’s harder for them to judge when your hand is mid-cookie.
Laugh. Sometimes, laughter is the only defense.
Because here’s the truth: Karens are everywhere. Meetings, grocery stores, your therapist’s waiting room, and Facebook comments. They’ll test your patience, your serenity, and occasionally, your sobriety.
And yet… somehow, the world keeps turning. People keep getting sober. Snack tables remain mostly untouched. And Karens? They keep Karening.
So saddle up, buddy. You can overcome addiction, trauma, cravings, and life itself. But can you overcome Karen?
Yes. Yes, you can.
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